People often ask me why I decided to become a doula.

I love vaginas!

Joking. Well, kindaaaa joking. I mean, I have always been fascinated with birth and pregnancy. Your typical “birth junkie.”

Once I saw my first episode of “A Baby Story,” I was hooked. Now I have a different opinion of the show, but back then I loooved it. I would sit and watch episode after episode crying and crying celebrating the joy of complete strangers. Some may call me nuts, but I know my fellow birthcrazies know exactly what I mean. Birth is freaking beautiful!

Soon, “A Baby Story” just wasn’t cutting it and I advanced to watching birth videos on YouTube much to the chagrin of Jr. Stac. “You’re scaring the dogs! Watch it on mute.” Umm, is he crazy!?…you can’t watch birth videos on mute! [...] Anywaaays, it was watching a homebirth video that I first heard of a doula….EUREKA!

I immediately researched where I could get trained (and decided I wanted to be a DONA-certified doula.) I had THE MOST FABULOUS TRAINER IN THE WORLD EVER. She was such an inspiration to me and the women in my training group were amazing–all very different but I felt a unique bond with each of them. After the first day, I could barely sleep and couldn’t wait go back and learn more all weekend.

I knew doula work was what I was supposed to do. What an honor it would be to get to help families during one of the most intimate, defining, powerful, memorable times of their lives. I thought if I could only make one birthing woman feel a little more comfortable, a little more confident, or a little more cared for then it would all be worth it.

I also thought about myself and what I could offer. “I like being a provider, a soother. I want to be a part of something bigger than a 9-5 job. I don’t have an agenda. I think I am pretty likable and approachable. And omg I love birth and want to seeeeee it all the time! I CAN DO THIS!”

Upon completing my training, I signed up for my first “on-call” shift with [PALS ]… I was called in that very first shift.

And, as they say, the rest was history.

*This post was originally published at Hippie Incognito

Alisha was born and raised in Philadelphia and is proud to call the city her home. She works full time as a fundraiser for a national nonprofit dedicated to defending students’ civil liberties. She joined PALS in early 2010 and attended her first birth on 10.10.10! She was instantly hooked to birth work. Currently working towards her DONA certification, Alisha expects to be a fully certified birth doula later this year. In her spare time, Alisha volunteers at Planned Parenthood of Southeastern Pennsylvania as an abortion handholder, travels to Phish concerts, and experiments with cooking using fresh food from her local CSA. Alisha is married to her amazing husband and together they are “raising” two Boston terriers and one naughty kitty. She blogs at http://hippieincognito.com/

Mothers deserve to feel supported in their choices. They also deserve to feel validated in their heartache.

Sometimes the role of a doula is to help color a birth. Even at our most prepared, there are times that births do not go as we had hoped. Circumstances are not always ideal. The education process may be riddled with holes. Mothers make their own choices. We support them. And in the end, it is our job to provide validation, no matter what sequence of events led them to this place. It is our job to assist in coloring the experience so that a mother’s memory of this precious event is as positive as it can possibly be, even if it means acknowledging that things could have, should have, would have been different; yet they are not, and we can heal from it, embrace it, and respect ourselves.

There is no dogma in this artwork. Becoming a mother is an unfathomable rite of passage. No matter how you get there, motherhood is beyond comprehension until you are there, “in it.” The means by which you arrived can either be positive or negative, or of course, somewhere in between. Even if the experience felt “wrong,” mothers need to know that they themselves, their very motherhood is not “wrong.” Labor and birth is a part of the process, just as pregnancy is, but a mother does not “fail” – she succeeds, and she has the capacity to be an amazing mother, with the knowledge that comes only through “walking through the fire.” Every woman’s “fire” is different.

Weaving the memory of the process is one of the complex facets of the doula’s role that is discussed far less than the more tangible “physical and emotional support during labor.”

The first birth I ever attended as a doula was a stark reminder to me that, no matter what your convictions, sometimes you have very little sway over the sequence of events. I rode the wave that said to support this family with my whole heart, and I believe it was the right choice. Did I cry when the crowd arrived and an emergency was declared? Yes. Did I mourn? Yes. Did I fast forward through my own, vicarious experience, dig deep, and find something positive to give this mother? Yes.

In the end, the mother did not get the birth that she wanted, yet, it is her birth story, and it deserves to be embraced, integrated, and respected. It is now a thread in this family’s history.

Convictions aside, we must always remember; the “end goal” is not the labor and birth, but the making of a mother. Mothers deserve to be supported. They need to be supported…No matter what.

*This post was originally published at The Nurtured Way